Monday, December 8, 2014

L.A. Car Chase

And now breaking news as we cut to Roger Irvine in our News 27 chopper. Roger?

Roger Shirley. What you are looking at is some poor lost soul sucker about to have this head beat in when we cut to commercial right after he gets caught. Whoa! Did you see that?

We sure did Roger. How fast do you think he’s going there?

Well Shirley, I’d say 97.3 to 99.2 miles an hour, definitely.

So he’s almost able to keep up with the people in the HOV lanes.

That’s right Shirley.

Roger, is he a white guy? He kind of looks like a white guy.

Yes, Shirley I think he is indeed. Once he’s caught we’ll be able to get more info after the cops beat it out of him, for sure. But yeah. Looks white.

Of course that would mean he’d be white trash then.

Oh absolutely. No typical self infatuated self entitled money grubbing white guy would dare to get caught up in a chase like this. Image is everything. You know Shirley, having money in the bank to make life easy makes all the difference.

Absolutely Roger. I know I could never get by with less than the low seven figures I pull in. And you do a nice healthy six figures too.

Absolutely Shirley. I don’t understand why anyone, especially a white guy like this, can’t pull themselves up by the bootstraps and get a job selling useless Obamacarea, balloon payment loans, or something. I mean if he were black or brown we’d expect as much.

That’s right Roger. As you know the majority of the prison population is black and male. What do you suppose drives people to drive like this Roger?

Well, beats me. The guy must be a looney tune. But I’m sure that beating the shit out of him will straighten him right up and send him off to jail where he can get the skills of real criminals.

Roger I see the police are holding back. Why don’t they deploy a spike strip or something?

Well Shirley, a spike strip at 95 miles an hour might cause one hell of a crash into a lot of cars besides the one the driver is in.

Right Roger. I remember the time they tried something like that and a young boy got killed.

Live and learn. Kill and learn. That’s right Shirley. Very bad PR for the cops and PR is all important you know. They have to be very careful to avoid being seen as racist or sadistic.

Well thank God for commercials. Ha ha.

These guys live for this stuff. They spend years waiting around doing boring police work, writing tickets and whatnot. And then one day the call comes. It’s huge adrenaline rush. Drugs can’t beat t.

And I just love the pretty flashing lights, and the sirens. Oh so sexy.

Shirley it looks like he’s cornered. Yup. The car has stopped. He’s on foot. Looks like the cops are catching up to him right now…

Roger, sorry to interrupt. We have to go to a commercial and we’ll be right back with more breaking news on the car chase coverage on the poor white guy.

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