Saturday, April 7, 2012

Vote for the Best of Two Evils?

So I walk into this hamburger joint called America. From where I live, America is the only place available. I'm not about to pick up and travel my ass off to find a freakin' burger. So I look at the menu on the wall. There are really only two candidates to choose from. The Big Grande double cheese double meat burger, or the Super Special double cheese double meat with special sauce and secret spices. Then there's the much less popular green burger, a vegetarian delight (so they claim). Of course there's the single with cheese and the grilled chicken; a fish sandwich or super salad. Now I'm not the typical fool who just buys whatever. And I'm not going with any of those less popular burgers. After all, if most people favor the top two, democracy rules, right?

I do my research. So I pull out the iPad and check out this place. Turns out all the food at America is grade A inspected and FDA approved by the US department of agriculture. The beef patties are grade A pink slime exposed to ammonium hydroxide according to top US standards of corporate profiteering. Then I look at the underground forums. It seems the Big Grande is consistently laced with mold and causes chronic healthcare problems. But the Super Special is even worse. There are claims of maggots and worms found in this one. The green burger is also laced with mold, and the other options likewise. Apparently nothing in America is safe from mold and rot. The establishment is corrupt and only cares about profit. But at least the Big Grande doesn't have maggots. What to do? I really don't want to go somewhere else. America has the best deal around and it's always been good in the past. But damned, maggots or mold?

I don't think so. Screw America. I'll make my own pasta marinara with broccoli.

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